A letter for Mummy

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

To my beloved mother,Maimunah Binti Hamdin.

Today is 30 April 2013. And it has been 3 years and 2 months since you left us. But it feel just like yesteday that i heard your laughter and your voice when you are scolding to me. It feel like yesterday when I see you smile, and laugh. Eventhough you doesn't show much how you care and love to us. But I know that you always love and care about us. Even thogh you don't show much but for your ways I can see how deep your love towards us. Even though you scold us,but I know you didi it all out of love. 

Mum,

Your little daughter now is all grow up and now I'm 19 and have entered UiTM. You must be so proud of me right? You have been wishing and hoping so that I would entered into a university one day. You know that I always play around and you always scolded me telling me to study. Even though you are busy with your work,but you never miss a day to cook for us. I can still taste your cooking eventhough it has been years already. 

Mum,

You must have been so proud at me when I achieved excellent result in UPSR. But, I know you are happy that I can acieved your goal when I'm in Form 3. Even though you only cried when I aunty said that I achieved 6A's in PMR. I know that you are crying out because ypu are happy right Mum? At that time you were sick and can't say a word. But your tears, happy tears make me feel so strng and I feel so happy that I can achieved your goal.

Mum,

You've been taking care of me for 15 years without saying any regret. But I only managed to take care of you for a few months. Sorry for that mum. For me, the 15 years that you have spent for me. For all the love, for all he laughter,for all the smiles, thank you so much mummy. You know your daughter so well mummy. You know my dislikes and my likes. You know what I can't eat and what I love to eat. You know that I love cakes. You know that I love the colour red. Thank you so much mummy.

Mum,

I'm sorry that I can't be with you during your last breath. But you know,that moment,my heart felt so wrong. It feels lost,it feel like something is wrong. But then, i heard dad's voice,and then dad came out,sayng that you have been invited by Allah. Allah love you more than we do. I feel so wrong and so lost at that moment. But Allah has invited you back and there's nothing else that can't stop it mum. All that I can do is pray for you mum.

Mum,

Eventhough you have gone, but my Love and care for you will always stay in my heart. Our memory together,I will always cherish it. There will never be a day without youu in my heart. Mummy. I hope that one day we can meet each other again. In jannah Insya'Allah.

Thats all for now mummy.

From your daugter,

Nur Namirah Abdul Rahman

In a Pressure!!!! T.T

Assalamualaikum w.k.t

Hi guys. Its been while isn't it? Well I'm feeling quite in pressure now. so I chose to write here. Its one of y way to release my stress. I don't know. But I think that I've been thinking too much lately. I don't know why. I can't even share or tell others why am I behaving like this. When I tried to tell others, I would tend to cry an I don't know why. Why can't I even share it? This is too much for me. I can't stand it. I just keep on caring when others is not looking at me. I don't know where does my bright personality goes. I keep on being sick. Headache maybe from all the crying that I've been doing lately I just wish that others can understand me. But I guess that would be hard since that I am not telling anyone why am I being like this. I can't fake a smile. I can't fake a laugh. But I don't want anyone to know that I am feeling sad. or even worst.

There's too much going on in my head. I don't know what is going on. Before I can always tend it and never fake a smile. But now. Its like crying is the best thing to do. I really wish that this would stop. Since that I don't know how to stop it. Please. No more crying. No more fake. I just wants to be the old me. The shine and happy me. The one who always wants to make others smile. The one who just wants to be treated like a person. Maybe that why.

Why don't feel like I'm exist n the studio Why do I feel like I don't belong here. Why do I feel like I'm only ruining a perfect place. Why am I feeling like this? Why can't I be happy. Where's all the smile? Where's the laughter. I hope I would change back to the old me when I'm returning back to Sarawak in a months time. Family sounds like the best way to solve this. Spending time with them and so on.

Bye guys
-Nur Namirah-